The True Story of The Youths on The Rocks.

My friends went spear fishing and I sat on the rocks. They left me a knife. What the hell am I going to do with that? Maybe ward of would-be thieves at best. Catch a fish and fillet it, these things are not in my skill set. I don’t even like fish. But I have a knife and nobody’s going to mess with me.

Except maybe the group of ten 16 year olds drinking on the rocks just down from me. They look suspicious. Damn youths and their unpredictability, you never know when they are going to come into your life and shake things up. Oh shit, two of them are coming over to me. Crawling over the rocks, one of them is smoking. The other one is wearing a basketball singlet 3 times too big for him. This is never a good thing.

I’m on the highest point of the rocks, sitting with my legs tucked up to my stomach. And I have a knife. Oh shit, now they’re climbing up to where I am. They stop two metres away from where I sit with my knife. They are both in jandals and look unsteady. Underage drinking on sharp rocks.

The NBA star points into a rock pool, ‘Look at that motherfucker’. Are crabs incestuous? I doubt his friend cares. The smoker stands up tall and squints. Now they start talking at me, but I have a knife. ‘Hey bro, how’s it going?’ I don’t tell them about my friends or lack of fishing ability. Just a Good, how are you will suffice. ‘Yeah good man, you from around here?’ oh no, they’re locals and I’m on their patch. My being here is enough to disrespect them. No, just staying here for a couple of days. ‘Oh true, us too. You from ____?’ Yeah. I hope that’s ok to say. ‘Oh true’.

The NBA star is looking at me now, the crab has lost his interest. Maybe if I untuck my legs they’ll see how big I am. The smoker flicks his cigarette away into a crevice. That’s bad for the ecology but I’m not the one to tell him.

My friends are around the point and nobody else is anywhere near me. Except the other drinking youths. I tap my knife. They didn’t notice it, but I feel a bit better. The NBA star leans forward and loses his balance. He lunges at me with his right foot trying to find a safe home on the closest rock. But I’m cool, I don’t even flinch that much. He lands safely and giggles a bit.

The smoker looks antsy. ‘All right, well I guess we’ll get going’. Are you sure you don’t want to smash my head into the rocks? Ok sweet as, you guys have a good night. ‘Yeah bro, happy new years’. Thanks. I untuck my legs.

Key to the Warriors excitement? Manu Vatuvei.

This guy is an entertainer, with probably the best smile in sport. Plus he’s put on heaps of wight from eating fry-ups and stir-fries all summer. Awesome.

photo credit: WILLIAM WEST/AFP/Getty Images

So bring on the 2010 NRL season. There’s not much expected of the Warriors this season, which only bodes well for a team that loves to be the under-dog.

I’m also quite partial to this one: Kanye West vs Radiohead.

Go and download these and more at DJ Earworm’s website.

This list goes some ways to explaining how I turned out as a person. From 2000-2009 I went from being 15 to 25 years old. Almost everything about me is different now, except that I still haven’t found a good hair style. This list is made up of the albums that I listened to the most. These are the bad boys who, for what ever reason, got into my head the most. I don’t think these represent the best music I have listened to this decade (I think you will agree with that quite quickly), but these are the albums that got to me.

1- Elliott Smith: From a Basement on a Hill (2004)

I did things backwards with this guy. This was his last album (released posthumously, after his suicide), but it was my gateway into his music. It’s fair to say I spent much of the decade depressed, probably too much of it, and this guy was a leading cause. Everybody has their favourite singer-songwriter, be it Jeff Buckley or Colbie Caillat, a person whose music feels so genuine and touching that it becomes a part of you. For me it’s Elliott Smith. When I’m happy I can listen to his music and enjoy it, but when I’m down, oh boy there is no one better to sulk around with. Attention all put upon youths out there, go get an Elliott Smith record.

Choice songs: Let’s Get Lost; A Fond Farewell.

2- Muse: Absolution (2003) (with Origin Of Symmetry close behind)

I’m not one of the rabid Muse fans that troll the internet, but I sure as hell understand them. However I am one of the guys that say “their old stuff is WAY better”. There is nothing that can touch early Muse. Striking a balance between operatic and hard rock, with that fuzzy bass chugging along the whole time, they pushed so close to bat-shit crazy that it’s impossible not to smile and/or laugh. Absolution gets the tip above Origin because of the whole concept album thing. Origin has better songs I think, but Absolution has a ridiculous grandeur that is still cemented in the huge and heavy riffs that make Muse truly awesome. I just hope they start to rock like this again sometime soon.

Choice songs: Stockholm Syndrome; Ruled By Secrecy.

3- Bright Eyes: I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning (2005)

Conor Oberst seems like a bit of a dick, but damn can he write a good song. And this is his best full album, when he goes pure acoustic and tones down the over-the-top production. Filled with simple songs (that are fun to play on guitar) and a whole lot of raw sounding emotion, this album goes far beyond the ‘emo’ tag that is so often unfairly placed on it. What I like about it is that it seems so natural and free flowing, that I feel like I could create something similar. I can’t of course, Bright Eyes is a tease and a liar like that, but the everyman feel makes me feel good about the possibility at least. One day, maybe, I will be able to turn a phrase like Conor Oberst and have thousands of girls crying at my concerts.

Choice songs: We Are Nowhere And It’s Now; Lua.

4- We Are Scientists: With Love And Squalor (2005)

First of, the album name is a JD Salinger reference, awesome. This album is pure fun from start to finish. No need for a slow song, just fill it with catchy guitar driven, hook filled anthems that I would happily dance all night to. My favourite thing about this album though, is the drumming. Seriously, I never notice drumming, and when I make a special effort to, it usually sounds fairly generic (a basic beat, with a fill every now and then). No offence meant, I can’t drum for anything, so I respect people who can keep the beat with all 4 limbs. But on this album, it seems like Michael Tapper has taken every opportunity available to do something different and interesting. Combined with Chris Cain’s bass, the rhythm section really makes the music stand out. So my heart broke when I heard that Michael Tapper left the band. And true enough the next album was back to the standard drumming that I can happily ignore. Oh well, at least I have With Love And Squalor to jump around while drinking to. Note: these guys do the best music videos.

Choice songs: The Great Escape; Inaction.

5- Fall Out Boy: From Under The Cork Tree (2005)

Don’t judge me. If you get past the whole Pete Wentz hate, you will find an amazing album. This was the new standard in pop-punk, and the band is still at the forefront of the genre. But this was the album, before they became too self-referential and clever for their own good, that they let everything hang out with nothing to lose. There is a beautifully dark sense of humour running through the album, and I am still taken aback by some of the subversive lyrics. Luckily you can barely make out what the hell Patrick Stump is singing, which means it’s a pleasant surprise when you finally catch lyrics like “I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me”. This is the highpoint of putting words into melodies, and in my opinion Dance, Dance could be the song of the decade.

Choice songs: Dance, Dance, Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

6- Immortal Technique: Revolutionary Vol. 2 (2003)

Here’s the first hip hop I ever actually liked. I never really got the whole gangster, money and ho’s thing. Apparently that’s not what all hip hop is about though! Who knew? Immortal Technique knew, that’s for sure. He is a very angry man. Atom-bomb angry. Politicians, the media, gig promoters, he’s pissed off at all of them. And he knows how to put that into words and vent over fairly substandard beats it has to be said. But luckily Immortal Technique’s ‘flow’ is what is important here, and if you have ever felt angry about any injustice in the world (which I do frequently), put this album on and let the venom fly. Sometimes it’s fun to be enraged.

Choice songs: The Point of No Return; The 4th Branch.

7- My Chemical Romance: Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge (2004)

This could be the most fun album I have ever heard. And please don’t call this emo, this is opera. This is grand tragedy meets 8 cans of Red Bull. Bodies are flying, guitars are cutting, and Gerard Way is spinning his story pretty much non-stop for 40 minutes. I’m surprised he can make it through one of these songs, let alone the entire album, without collapsing from exhaustion. Ok, so it is quite emo, but it is the most entertaining emo you will ever hear. Fun fact: this is my favourite album to clean the house to.

Choice songs: You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison; Hang ‘Em High.

8- Bloc Party: Silent Alarm (2005)

I don’t particularly like most of the songs on this album, they’re all good but nothing too special. But listen to the album from start to finish, and you wouldn’t want to change a thing. Definitely better than the sum of its parts, Silent Alarm is the ‘coolest’ album of the decade. It’s not trying too hard, it’s simple, and it’s very affecting. I can’t actually think of why it should be in my top 10, but there is no way it can’t be here. I’m going to say that is the sign of a great album. Either that or Kele Okereke has special powers over me that I don’t know about.

Choice songs: This Modern Love; Like Eating Glass.

9- Sufjan Stevens: Come On Feel The Illinoise (2005)

Put Chicago on and I defy anyone to not like it. It’s just so gosh darn nice. Put the entire album on and I defy anyone to make it all the way through without taking a break. Hands down the most ambitious album on this list, Illinoise is way too long and large to take in one dose. But what is in there is some of the most beautifully crafted music I have ever heard. What should be too sickly sweet comes across as unassuming and heartfelt. The production and composition is extraordinary, but it never overshadows the human feeling of the songs. Plus the dude’s got an awesome name.

Choice songs: The Predatory Wasp Of The Palisades Is Out To Get Us!; The Tallest Man, The Broadest Shoulders.

10- The Dears: Gang Of Losers (2006)

Finally a band that identifies that I am feeling disaffected with society and life, puts that feeling into words, throws a decent amount of hope that everything is going to be alright, and turns it into catchy as all get out songs. I put forward The Dears as the spokesmen of my decade. It’s the enduring hope and goodness evident in their songs that draws me to this album. Yes life sucks, but it probably won’t forever. Instead of giving in to your existential crisis, use it to do something good. I never leave disappointed when I listen to this album.

Choice songs: Ballad Of Humankindness; Find Our Way To Freedom.

Yikes, that took more effort than I had hoped for. But I’m pleased I did it. It’s nice to look back over the 10 most formative years of my life and laugh at my questionable taste in music. It may be wrong, but I stand by this list. Until it changes.

Runners Up: 3b- Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago (2007); 5b- Jimmy Eat World: Bleed American (2001); 6b- Sage Francis: A Healthy Distrust (2005); 7b- The Mars Volta: Deloused In The Comatorium (2003); 8b- Interpol: Antics (2004); 10b- The Veils: Nux Vomica (2006).

Fun Fact to end on, my first thrashed album, and indeed my first live concert, was Good Charlotte: Self Titled (2000). Best Album Ever?

I particularly like it when I find a lyric that talks to my hope and optimism, as that makes me optimistic and hopeful, and that feels good.

So here is a line from Sun Kil Moon’s son Ocean Breathes Salty. It’s a cover of a Modest Mouse song, but I think it’s a better version.

Maybe we’ll get lucky and we’ll both grow old.
I don’t know, I don’t know, I hope so.

It’s an uplifting line in an otherwise sombre song. I like that. It almost makes me want to grow old. Almost.

Here’s a link to a youtube clip of the song.

Case in point: Let’s Make Out by Does It Offend You, Yeah?.
This was one of my favourite songs of last year. It screams out exactly what I am not like in life, but sometimes wish I was. And every phrase repeated is pure class writing (although class may not be the best word for it).

Too many legs under the table,
Too many reasons for trouble.

And I can’t go without mentioning the amazing refrain (I don’t actually know what a refrain is, and I’m pretty sure I’m using it wrong):

I can’t control myself,
When I see you there’s no one else,
When I get down all by myself,
You’re the one that I think about.

When, oh when, can I be in a situation to quote this song to a girl?

Here’s a link to the video, which unfortunately I don’t like very much. The song though is AMAZING. I dare you not to dance to this.

Let’s make out.Let’s make out.Let’s make out.Let’s make out.Let’s make out.Let’s make out.Let’s make out.Let’s make out.Let’s make out.Let’s make out.

There’s nothing I love more than too-clever-and-they-know-it song lyrics. A good turn of phrase will always bring a smile to my face. With that in mind, I will be referencing the new kings (and queens) of this artform, Los Campesinos!, regularly. Seriously, these guys go for broke with their look-at-me-I’m-awesome-at-writing lyrics.

So to welcome the new year I would like to quote these Welsh darlings, and set the mood for the next 52 weeks. A sense of misplaced and inauthentic hope I suppose.

I’m sure 2010 is going to be awesome. But let’s be honest, it probably isn’t going to mean anything.

If you don’t mind large groups of tourists and non-stop flyering and being pitched shows that sound worse than crap, then this is the place to be!

I have seen about 10 shows so far, and have reviewed them in my notebook (I use a 6 star method). I will put up the reviews later. The last show I saw was a 2 1/2 hour amatuer drama production. It was a thriller about a family who fined their long lost daughter, but she can’t remember anything from the last 6 years! Also, it was set in 1904, and uses only one set dressing, and 5 actors. It was held in a little church hall. For these reasons I will not review the show, as I feel it would be unfair to compare it to the professional shows I have seen. Because it wasn’t very good.

In summation: come to Edinburgh. Now.